Courting Right now dating today would be the modern route to finding enjoy

We use cookies to offer you a better user experience. By using our services, you consent to our use of cookies. Further information

The fields marked with an asterisk (*) are mandatory.

Love questions: Dorothea Perkusic answers your questions about “life” and “love” – ​​Today: Arguing properly

Love questions: Dorothea Perkusic answers your questions about “life” and “love”

08/17/202014: 45 updated: 08/17/202014: 45

Today’s love question revolves around the topic of open relationships.

In our service section “Love questions” you can ask Dorothea Perkusic your questions about the topics “life” and “love” under the subject line “love questions”. Each person seeking advice receives a personal answer from the individual and couple therapist. Selected questions are published anonymously here every Monday.

My wife and I have been married for 14 years and have one child. Overall, we have a happy relationship and we enjoy being together. We get on well, have common hobbies and we are fine. Sexually it has always been difficult between us. We have sex with each other, but not often and somehow we both don’t really care anymore, even though we’re dissatisfied with the situation and even though the sex when we have it isn’t bad. I can’t say exactly what it is. Somehow we are missing something together. My wife suggested having an open relationship, even if it hurts her, as she says. It’s not that I can’t imagine myself having sex with other women every now and then. But actually I don’t want that. I fear that this will break something. Can you give us some advice?

As I read this, I get the impression that having an open relationship is less of a real and desired option for the two of you than a desperate attempt to fill the sexual void between you. In light of this, I consider this venture to be dangerous. Because you would not necessarily enrich your relationship and make it more fulfilling, but rather more insecure and vulnerable, as you are trying to compensate for a deficit that you cannot fully grasp.

An open relationship can have advantages and disadvantages. If opening the relationship is not enriching for both of you, you should be hesitant and very conscious about this consideration. Because opening up the relationship is not only a way to salvation, but can also give the death blow to the love between you.

At the beginning of an open relationship, there is a definite agreement between both partners to live a form of relationship that deviates from social conventions and common ideas about relationships. To strongly disregard this together requires just this strength and the mutual desire or the conviction of it. This takes courage and, above all, sincere trust in one another. An open relationship does not automatically mean that it will be easier or more fulfilling; you may have to completely redefine terms and values ​​such as loyalty, honesty, security, freedom and exclusivity and define a clear radius of behavior. The question is to what extent do the definitions of feelings offer real security? Because the risk that someone falls in love or wants to spend more time with another love partner increases and you have to learn to deal with that and with everything else that is unpredictable. You need to create a core area that is only open to the two of you. Because we all look for and need a bit of commitment, despite all the desired openness that suggests freedom, in order to feel comfortable, secure and safe. In your case, the idea of ​​an open relationship is not yet shaped by experience but by desire. And I’m not sure whether this is actually about the desire for sexual contact with others, or whether the idea arose out of desperation and not knowing what to do and you are not actually in good hands in your previous relationship model.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *